There are many kinds of compulsive behavior - from alcohol and other mind-altering drugs to gambling to cutting to binging and purging to hair-pulling to staring at our mobile devices, (that’s one of my personal favorites these days.) But what these all do for us is always the same - they kick the can of negative emotions down the block to be dealt with at a later time.
We can force ourselves to stop the compulsive behavior, but then we inevitably have to face the emotions in the cold light of day, and if we don’t have the skills to bob and weave and roll with the punches, they often knock the wind out of us, which makes us want to return to the compulsive behavior that so effectively made them temporarily disappear.
How do we learn to cope without these “emergency ripcord” behaviors? The key is to have some tools in place before we try do without them.
It will start with you and I practicing mindfulness, acceptance and CBT skills together in session, plus homework so that you can continue practicing between sessions. But what my clients often find surprising is when I say this: “Know that, if all else fails, you always have the compulsive behavior to fall back on.” Why would I say such a thing?
I’ve found that the mere knowledge that the “ripcord” is there is enough to reduce anxiety. One client told me that if she has a Xanax in her pocket, it is often enough to remind her that even if she has a panic attack, it can be managed. She never ends up taking that little pill, and that’s the point; the opportunity to engage in these behaviors isn't going anywhere. You won’t wake up tomorrow and find that there’s no way to get high or pull out your hair or zone out on your device. Keeping that in mind may make it feel safer to try learning to cope with bad feelings. If it doesn’t work, you know you have something to fall back on.
But let’s give it a try and see if we can do something better than kicking that can down the street!