There’s no self-actualization if there’s no self

Where is your “self?” Is it behind your face, is it some gaseous apparition that floats through your body? We know what it is to be conscious and we know roughly where our thoughts are coming from. But this “self” we speak of is hard to pinpoint. It’s difficult, even, to prove it exists, outside of being an abstract concept like “justice.”

So when I hear people continuously referring to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, with self-actualization at the top, I can’t help but be a bit skeptical. Yes, we exist, to some extent, as individual beings, but humans are not “lone wolves.” We are dependent on one another to survive. As such, we have the instinct to be with others hardwired into our DNA. The idea of going it alone is contradictory to what it is to be human. Infants fail to thrive without bonding with a primary caretaker, even if their physiological needs are met. Adults suffer from all sorts of physical and psychological maladies when isolated for extended periods of time.

So while it’s all well and good to foster the ideas that you come up with and the values that your unique experiences have shaped, the apex of your hierarchy should always be the kinds of relationships you have with friends, family, community and with all living beings you encounter. If your mission in life is to make these the best relationships possible, your life will most certainly be fulfilling.