Therapy Does Not Have to be Forever

Psychotherapy can be a significant expense, and this often makes people reluctant to start. The old version of therapy – psychoanalysis, and its various offshoots – involved meeting with a therapist weekly for years and years, even decades! It was obviously a financial commitment that most people could not afford.

 

Now, however, there are evidence-based approaches that teach people skills that they can then put into practice on their own. “Evidenced-based” means there is scientific research demonstrating that these approaches help people feel better. Cognitive Behavior Therapy – the therapeutic modality in which I am certified – is one such approach.

 

Within 2-4 months, my clients typically experience enough improvement to go from meeting weekly to meeting every 2 weeks. Within 6-8 months, we are usually able to go down to every 4 weeks, and many clients are ready to terminate sessions altogether at this time.

 

You may find it helpful to continue meeting monthly or every 3 months for a longterm basis, but I am confident that you will not feel the need to keep seeing me weekly on an ongoing basis.

 

You can do this work on your own. I’m just here to get you started.

I am now a Beck Institute Certified Cognitive Behavioral Therapist

I’m pleased and honored to announce that I am now officially a Beck Institute certified Cognitive Behavior Therapist. The Beck Institute is the birthplace of CBT. It is an honor to be a part of such a proud lineage. 

In addition to over 200 hours of training and supervision, I had to submit a recorded therapy session that was rated on the Cognitive Therapy Rating Scale. My receiving the certification was contingent on my score on that rating scale. This means that the certification is not just an acknowledgement of my having completed a course of training; it’s a verification that my clinical skills, as reflected in my therapy sessions, meet a high standard, based on a set of objective, evidence-based criteria. 

I look forward to continuing my training in the years ahead. In the meantime, my humble thanks to the late Dr. Aaron T. Beck, the originator of CBT, his daughter Dr. Judith S. Beck, President of the Institute, and my clinical supervisor, Dr. Robert Hindman, who helped me immensely in this attaining this honor. 

 My listing in the Beck Institute provider directory can be found here.

 

Updates - September 1, 2023

Since I last posted on this blog, I’ve been busy with adjusting to a new member of my family, so I haven’t had time to update this blog in some time. Here’s what’s new with my practice:

  • As of August, I began partnering with Alma. Alma is a company that streamlines the processes by which I work with insurance companies and by which clients connect with therapists.

  • As a result of my partnership with Alma, I am now in-network with additional insurers, including Cigna. For a complete list of insurance plans with which I’m in network, see my Insurance page

  • As of this month, I am offering a limited number of reduced fee slots to members of SAG-AFTRA and the WGA for the duration of the strike. If you’re a member of one of those unions, and would like to learn more about this offer, please email me.

Have a happy and healthy Fall!

Now in-network with United Healthcare!

I am pleased to announce that I am now in-network with most United Healthcare insurance plans. If you have a United plan and are interested in therapy with me, please reach out via email and I will check to see if your plan covers my services.

I continue to be in-network with Aetna and I continue to work with any New York insurance plans that have out-of-network benefits.

Updates as of June 29, 2022

I am now seeing clients in-person at my Hudson Valley office, located in Garrison, New York, right by the Westchester-Putnam border on Route 9.

I am continuing to see clients in-person at my Manhattan office, as well as remotely.

Updates as of February, 2022

After taking a break from in-person sessions due to the unprecedented number of COVID-19 cases in New York in mid-December through early January, I have resumed seeing clients at my Manhattan office. I have availability in my schedule. Please contact me for a free 15-minute phone consultation.

I am also accepting new clients for remote sessions.

In the next month, I will also begin seeing clients in-person at my office in Garrison, New York. I will announce when that begins here and on my social media accounts.

Please note - in the interest of safety, I am asking that all clients who wish to see me in-person provide proof of COVID-19 vaccination.

Updates as of August 1, 2021

As of this month, I will begin seeing some clients in-person in my Manhattan office. I have a limited number of in-person time slots available at this time, and I require proof of vaccination against COVID-19 for in-person sessions. I am the parent of a child who is too young to be vaccinated, so I have to minimize risk of becoming a carrier of the virus .

In the coming months, I also hope to begin seeing clients in person in my office in the Hudson Valley.

I am still providing teletherapy as well.

"It turns out my normal lifestyle is social distancing..."

I’m actually warming up to social media these past few tumultuous days. The tone is a little warmer on my feeds. I guess we’re all trying to comfort each other.

One meme that keeps coming up in various forms is the “it turns out my normal lifestyle is social distancing” one. I first scoffed at this, but then realized that my life has been so busy and hectic as of late that it’s true for me, despite my fancying myself a social person.

Especially in this city, we all feel the pressure to grind so hard that things like friends often get squeezed out. We’re just looking to make it through this week to et to the next week to hopefully get to the point where we don’t feel like we’re drowning so that we can finally slow down. It’s a brutal pace for human life.

So perhaps, one silver lining of this tragic situation is that we can all be reminded of how important we are to each other and how we can’t put off enjoying one another’s company forever.

Perhaps being deprived of the ability to be with one another will remind us all of how precious it is, and how interdependent we all truly are.




Acceptance of Loneliness


While it is necessary for us to avoid congregating to avoid the spread of this virus, it is less than ideal for overall well-being.. We are not built to be isolated, especially not in an environment like New York City, with its near total lack of nature. And having online support is not enough.

But this is where we are right now. What can we do?

For starters, let’s acknowledge the unhappiness in ourselves and our fellow human beings, and rather than chastise ourselves and others for it, accept it as legitimate and reasonable. Feelings want to be felt. And as I’ve said before, feelings are messengers; they are here to tell us something about our situations, so that hopefully we can make those situations better.

In this case, however, it is not possible. We are stuck with our bad situation and our bad feelings for the time being.

It is also possible to accept these frustrated feelings and simultaneously feel gratitude if you and your loved ones are safe and healthy.

If someone tells you they are unhappy, try to convey to them that they have every reason to be. If you feel that way, yourself, don’t tell yourself you’re wrong to feel that way.



Telehealth sessions avaiable

I haven’t had time to update my site recently, but wanted to let everyone know that I am only doing Telehealth sessions for the duration of the pandemic.

My fees are also reduced for the duration of the pandemic. My sliding scale is now between $100 and $175 per session.

I have expanded availability during this time, so please contact me and I am sure we will be able to find a day and time that works for you: michael@psychotherapyforhumans.com

Stay safe.

Telehealth AND in-person sessions are Available


I am now offering Telehealth (video chat) sessions to all those who cannot attend in person. You don’t need to install any software. I will simply send you a link

If you live nearby, are in good health and want to do a session in-person, I have expanded hours.

Please email me to schedule an in-person or Telehealth session.


michael@psychotherapyforhumans.com

Keep calm and carry on

Try not to panic and minimize your news and social media intake, and take care of one another. Humans have been through worse. We can get through this together.

More importantly, when we have been through disasters in New York City - 9/11, Hurricane Sandy, the Blackout of ‘03 - we have bonded together and taken care of one another. We didn’t loot en masse. We didn’t take advantage of one another.

And historically, this has also been the case - the San Francisco earthquake of 1906, the Halifax Explosion of 1917, the bombing of England in 1940-41. Many died and many more were injured, but people remember the aftermath fondly, as Rebecca Solnit documents in A Paradise Built in Hell. Humans evolved to depend on one another to survive. True existential threats like these bring out these cooperative instincts. That’s more true to who we are than hoarding supplies or Walking Dead / Mad Max dystopian nightmares.

But it’s only if we remember all this that those dystopian nightmares can be avoided. If we think of each other as potential monsters and thieves, we will act in kind, and only bad can come of that.

As the great academic / writer / podcaster Douglas Rushkoff says, “being human is a team sport.” It’s not every person for him or herself.

And remember - you can’t panic around children. They have to know that the grown-ups are in total control, even when we’re not


On Imposter Syndrome

Most of us have heard of imposter syndrome - it’s that fear that people will find out that you are a fraud in your chosen vocation; that you do not, in fact, know what you’re talking about; that you just talk a good game, but are just faking it; that you’re a dilettante posing as the real thing.

Often times, past failures and setbacks make us think that we are imposters. Insufficient recognition from others makes us think we are imposters. Being between gigs for too long makes us feel that we are imposters. Look at all the construction projects in this city. Eventually, many of these will be complete, and there will be less work for construction workers, architects, masons and others. Will that mean those professionals are imposters?

Expertise creeps up on you. You aren’t always aware of how far you’ve come, how much you’ve learned. It’s important to periodically take stock of your experience. If nothing else, 5, 10 or more years plugging away at a vocation makes it almost impossible that you’ve gained no expertise. This is intuitive. Even if you’re not the most innately talented person in your chosen trade, if you’ve been at it a while, you’ve learned at least a little.

Be realistic - maybe you’re not the best, but that does not an imposter make.

What’s wrong with you is that you think there’s something wrong with you

I spoke in an earlier entry about how important it is for young children to know that they are just fine the way they are. In the course of seeing adult clients, I am continuously reminded of just how important. So many of them are so sure of an essential defect, and it keeps them from engaging fully with their lives, socially, vocationally and otherwise. Worse, many constantly seek the validation of others, inadvertently pushing them away in the process.

I am of the opinion that we are essentially perfect. We make mistakes and we can always get better at things, but we are essentially alright.

Some of us have religious beliefs that say we are born of sin, but that’s still all of us and it’s an essential feature. Individually, you are not flawed. You may be thinking “with that attitude, how will I ever get better at anything in life?” I would reply that it is completely possible to hold the belief that you are not flawed while simultaneously holding the belief that you would like to improve at certain life skills. Furthermore, it’s probably essential to hold these two beliefs - someone who is defective has no reason to believe she will ever improve at anything.

What if there is nothing wrong with you? What if you are not defective? Why would that mean for your daily life and your emotional well-being?

We can get there...

On the Pursuit of Happiness

It may seem obvious to say such a thing, but even the best mental health treatment will not make you happy all the time. We all know that there is illness and loss and grief and financial stress and worry about our children’s, parents’ and other loved ones’ well-beings.

But there is also everyday tedium - in attending to daily chores and errands, in our commutes and in our jobs. Thus far, I have met no one who has said that their job is enjoyable 100% of the time. In point of fact, most people find aspects of their job tedious every single day they work:

Many of us say “once I get my dream job / dream partner / dream financial situation, I’ll be perfectly happy.” Or we may just envision ourselves gleefully skipping through the day once that ideal situation is achieved. But it never happens. Even when our situation improves and we have gratitude for that change, we inevitably return to our resting state of discontent. Those improvements may continue to enhance our quality of life but we stop appreciating then as we have more time to focus on other imperfect aspects of our lives. Can we ever be satisfied?

Not if we are expecting no tedium, no annoyance, no fatigue and no stress. We are told by advertising, social media posts and self-help books that there is attainable perfect, constant happiness. What if there isn’t? Does that negate the joy you feel watching your child taking her first steps, or being in the arms of your partner or accomplishing something notable in your work, or being on vacation on a tropical beach?

Perhaps it is better to expect and to accept the frustrating aspects of daily life, punctuated by moments of pure joy. Perhaps we can find more moments of pure joy if we take some attention away from our frustrations.

Make sure you are not throwing kindling on the flames of your discontent by recalling it and bemoaning that not everything was perfect today (yet again.)

What if my problems are real?

Well, first off, in all likelihood, they are, or at least some of them are. And even if I or some other therapist or your friend or your parents or your partner don’t believe them to be real, it’s of little consequence because you still experience them as real and that’s all that matters in your world in any given moment.

Let’s say that you are not advancing in your career at a satisfactory clip. You’ve been plugging away for years and you’re not where you were led to believe you’d be at this stage in the game. Perhaps you’ve picked an arbitrary timeframe for success, but so what? You want what you worked hard to achieve. I’m not here to tell you not to be disappointed.

But let’s look at the future you were promised - are you, alone, being deprived of it? As I said in a previous post, knowing that one is not suffering alone is often enough to make a situation more tolerable. Maybe your chosen career is not a meritocracy. Maybe, more often than not, incompetent people are kicked upstairs and talented people toil in obscurity. But is that always the case? Is there another way of approaching the work to make it work for you, where you are rewarded for your dedication and talent? And if not, what are your other options?

Your problems are real to you so they are real to me. Let’s try to solve them together.

First fix it, then break it

Sometimes people are skeptical about cognitive behavioral therapy and my dedication to learning such a manualized approach to psychotherapy. Perhaps, they think, it is an overly rationalist way of looking at human experience.

CBT does NOT tell us not to feel our feelings. It tells us to interrogate the thoughts that precede those feelings to determine if they are in accordance with “reality” as we perceive it. Maybe you have a thought that you are unlovable or unworthy. A careful comparison between those thoughts and your experiences may lead to the conclusion that you have often felt unloved and that you have concluded that you therefore are unlovable. You can probably see the shortcoming of this conclusion. That does not mean you will never feel the longing and hurt that feeling unloved yields, but it may mean that you no longer feel the hopelessness that comes with anticipating a future devoid of love.

Still, CBT is not a panacea and it is important that we avoid believing that ANYTHING is. But we have to start somewhere, and much thought, care and research has gone into crafting this method of treatment. Once I become an expert at administering this treatment, I am certain that I will continue to use a myriad of tools to help my clients. But I’d be foolish to think I can come up with something on my own, out of whole cloth, without at least trying to learn from the wise minds who have come before me in my field.

It reminds me of jazz. There is a style of jazz called Free Jazz - it involves playing notes “outside” the scales that are usually used in the genre. It sounds wild and unfettered, almost noisy. But to the trained ear, it is more than just noise because its practitioners first learned standards and scales and modes and learned to play “inside.” They did not just pick up instruments and start playing haphazardly.

Don’t believe that a therapist who came up with his or her own method is necessarily better. That therapist might not be a free jazz player; (s)he might just be playing around with his or her instrument. You don’t want that done with your mind. Training can be restrictive, but not if one keeps an open mind.

`Unpacking Work radio interview

Below is the link to the episode of the Unpacking Work streaming radio show on which I was interviewed last week. Thanks to Tinuade, John and to their other guest, Elmina Bell, (who was fantastic!)

https://soundcloud.com/playgroundradiobk/unpacking-work-ep-6

Finding new metrics of genius

The failure of our culture to find a way to integrate people with schizophrenia into itself is a failure of imagination. We similarly fail to try to fit many other people into our idea of civilization and do so at our peril.

As many of you know, Albert Einstein was working as a clerk at a patent office when he came up with his theory of relativity. Why a clerk at a patent office and not, say, a doctoral candidate at Columbia University? Because Einstein didn’t so well in high school and, in all likelihood, would today be diagnosed with a learning disability, (and again, his talents might be wasted.)

Maybe someone with schizophrenia would have trouble sitting in a cubicle for 40-50 hours per week. Is doing so the apex of being a productive and useful being? Was anything of consequence accomplished by human beings prior to the advent of the cubicle?

How severely do your judge yourself in terms of how cubicle-ready you are? What could you accomplish if you measured success by other metrics?