I wrote in an earlier entry about being unwilling to dismiss entire schools of thought on psychotherapy just because I do not find them 100% to my liking. One specific artifact of an older school of psychotherapy, (the psychodynamic tradition,) that has been on my mind a lot recently is the idea of projection.
We’ve all heard the term used before, to the point where it’s practically a cliche. Basically, it refers to the idea of criticizing qualities in others because, subconsciously, they reflect qualities we dislike about ourselves.
Something related to this concept interesting happened to me recently. I was reading something about Buddhist philosophy - the book’s and author’s names escape me at the moment - that suggested that what is referred to as “right speech” in Buddhism essentially means “don’t talk s**t about people.” It rang true to me on an intuitive level, and so I’ve really tried to put it into practice, with some success.
What I’ve found is that not only does it make me feel better and lighter, but also, when I go back to the bad habit of speaking negatively about others, I feel the toxicity of it in my body. Moreover, it has become much easier for me to pinpoint the quality in myself that I’m “projecting” onto the other person.
It makes me reflect on that quality, and makes me want to try to make changes in myself. I would like to think it’s made me a slightly better person in the past few months in which I’ve tried this practice.
Try going a week or longer without speaking ill of others, and see if it changes you in a similar way. I would wager that you will be relieved to be unburdened of the toxicity.