On the art of listening

Many have spoken about how one can win friends and influence people by actively listening to them and showing interest in what they say by asking follow-up questions. And to be sure, as a therapist, I am acutely aware that we all like to be listened to sometimes. But being a therapist also has taught me that listening is good for the listener in ways less mercenary than influencing others.

For one thing, when I am in session, I can tune out my endless inner dialogue about pressing tasks I need to accomplish. In this way, actively listening is a meditation.

It’s also a relief not to try to sound clever and witty all the time. When you listen, you don’t have to be interesting, yet will be remembered positively by others because you are interested in them.

In addition, other people invariably have something interesting to share - maybe it’s something unique about their life story, or maybe it’s simply that they do a job you know nothing about, so you get to learn something new about how the world works.

And even if you’re not a therapist, you can help someone through a bad day, simply by listening to them vent about their experience, putting yourself in their shoes and letting them know that you understand why they are frustrated.

Above all, it’s been instructive for me to acknowledge how little I do know about the lives of others. I want to be the person who knows a lot about as many topics as possible, but the only way I’ll ever get there is by shutting up and listening!